Days of Our Lives

I’m sad. JoAnn Fabrics is closing all of their stores after 80 years in business. I’m sad because JoAnn’s was a bright spot for me during our 33 years in Yakima. I often shopped at JoAnn’s for knitting supplies and kid craft projects. The store itself was bright and light. I may have only needed thread but a trip to JoAnn’s was enough to brighten my day through snow and ice in the bitter cold, spring showers, extreme summer heat, or the cool days of fall and wind. I’ve contemplated it a bit. Why does it make me feel sad? Death came to mind. One could say JoAnn Fabrics lived a full life — 80 years. A very good length of time.

A Personal Encounter with Death

Death, for me, took on a different meaning three years ago. The cancer diagnosis was bleak. Initial reading of the biopsy concurred with CT scans that it was an aggressive cancer. I was a candidate for surgical removal of the tumor (a 9 hour surgery) followed by palliative chemo to give me more time.

Two days after the biopsy, I had my regularly scheduled hair appointment. I told Holly, let’s cut my shoulder length hair short. Chemo is around the corner. I went home. The GI doctor called that afternoon to give the results of the pathology report. It was cancer, but the tumor type was less aggressive! I may only need surgery. No chemo at this time. For me a female, and yes, vain about my hair, it kept going through my mind “But I just cut my hair!”

A Journey of Hope and Vigilance

Long story, short — surgery was successful. It was confirmed to be the less aggressive cancer. Two of 28 lymph nodes were positive showing a propensity for spreading. This tumor type is known to eventually and slowly spread to other places, or metastasize in medical terminology. One can never really be cured of this cancer type. That said, there are many others who have gone years before seeing any metastasis (or, mets for short). There are also a myriad of treatments that may slow progression of any mets. So, I go every 6 months for CT scans to check for mets. And, so far I remain NED - no evidence of disease.

I have to say, all during the first weeks of diagnosis before the surgery, death seemed near to me. However, I had a peace beyond understanding that could only be from God. I felt a different type of closeness to Him from any other time. My mind was focused on Him in a different way. Don’t get me wrong. There were times that brought fear and tears. Especially, or mostly, when I thought about my 4 and 2 year old granddaughters. It was a lot to take in....oh, you have a year, maybe two to live....to now, where 5 years and longer seem very possible!

Time has passed. I just passed 3 years since my surgery! I have other medical conditions to contend with due to the affects of surgery. Sometimes these take a lot of energy and the cancer piece is pushed to the side, at least until another scan approaches. Unlike those first months, the world encroaches into my worry life more than my health at times. I miss those days of being in touch with God and the imminence of death. It’s hard to describe the ineffable peace I had about it. I mean, I am still approaching death. We all are approaching it. It’s just that the cares of this world infringe so easily into our life that God is easily pushed aside even if our heart’s desire is for Him in our lives. When death seems imminent, the cares of this world are miniscule.

The Brightness of the Lord

Maybe the sadness I felt over JoAnn Fabrics closing is a reminder. Life on earth is limited—70, 80, 60 years? I am reminded of loved family and friends who have passed and those nearing the end. So, instead of allowing ourselves to get too caught up in the world, if we remember to be glad in the Lord it helps us get through the trials on earth. It is in Him that we trust. It is in Him that we get peace. It is in Him that we love.

In His Love,

Paisia

 Originally published in the Holy Apostles E-bulletin. Subscribe here.