Removing the Mask

"Fake it till you make it." It's a popular self-help phrase that encourages us to act like the person we want to become. Pretend you're confident, calm, or capable until eventually you actually feel that way. But at its core, it's about performing a version of ourselves we don't authentically possess: hiding real feelings, presenting a polished exterior, and pushing down our struggles as if everything is fine.

This has never felt truer for me than in my work. Even as my responsibilities have grown, I still speak, train, lead, and act like I have everything together — even when I'm sick. These past few weeks, as my body struggled to recover from a vicious bug, I powered through. I faked it. But did I actually make it?

Why It Doesn't Fit

Growing up, I learned very early that showing my real feelings wasn't safe. The surrounding environment rewarded silence, composure, and pretending everything was fine. I became very good at performing a strength I didn't actually feel.

By adulthood, "fake it till you make it" wasn't a motivational slogan but a muscle memory. It was how I survived childhood and it's become how I am now surviving adulthood.

Our beautiful faith reminds us that growth doesn't come from pretending. It comes from honesty, repentance, and humility. Showing up as we truly are and letting God transform us. Have you ever heard a Church Father say, "Act holy until you feel holy"? I haven't either...

"God does not ask for perfection, but for repentance." — St. Paisios

"The one who knows his own weakness has seen the truth." — St. Maximos the Confessor

Pretending has no place in our journey toward Christ.

The Mask We Forget We're Wearing

On an episode of Hidden Brain, Kenji Yoshino noted that many of us "go to great lengths to disguise who we are — not because we are trying to fool anyone, but because we want to fit in or be taken seriously."

We are not trying to deceive. We're trying to manage how we're seen.

But the mask doesn't just hide some weakness. It hides need, longing, and the part of us that aches for connection, support, and a place where the truth is safe. Over time, the mask becomes so familiar that we forget we're even wearing it.

Working in corporate America made this especially true; I repeated "fake it till you make it" just to get through each day, pretending to enjoy my work and to feel confident when I wasn't. Over time the mask felt fused to me, and these past few weeks of pushing through illness only made it heavier, leaving me wondering whether my years of progress were ever truly authentic.

The Hidden Cost

"Fake it till you make it" teaches others — especially children — that:

• Authenticity is unsafe

• Appearances matter more than the truth

• Work is a place for performance

• Weakness should be hidden

Dr. Philip Mamalakis, PhD and Associate Professor of Pastoral Care at HCHC, said something recently that struck me deeply: "God can't heal the person I am pretending to be. God can only heal the person I am." He also said, "Children learn what is true by how they see us behave more than by what they hear us say...and they will learn how to pretend in public." The hidden cost of wearing a mask is that without realizing it, the masks we wear become the masks our children inherit.

Reveal It So Christ Can Heal It

What if instead of "Fake it till you make it," we said "Reveal it so Christ can heal it"? I don't mean only formal confession—though that is essential. I mean the daily offering of truth. The daily choice to show up as we are. No pretending. No performing. No masking. Just honesty, reality, and authenticity.

As we step into Lent, we're reminded that this season isn't about pretending to be holy but about returning to who we truly are so Christ can meet us there. Lent invites us to lay down our masks and let God into the places we usually hide, trusting that only truth heals and that God receives the real person we offer Him. Amen.

Have a blessed day!

Maria

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 Originally published in the Holy Apostles E-bulletin. Subscribe here.