We've enjoyed the fall colors, and now the crisp air fills our surroundings. Thanksgiving and Christmas are around the corner. For many, it is a time to reflect on blessings and to celebrate life's gifts with warmth and joy of the holiday season.
Yet, for others, Thanksgiving can be a hurtful reminder of absence, loss, or unmet expectations. Cultivating a grateful heart in these circumstances requires intentionality, perspective, and compassion, for oneself and for others.
Holidays don't always bring joy, but pain or a sense of emptiness. An empty chair at the dinner table reminds us of a lost loved one, a strained family relationship, or distance that separates friends and family. The cheerful laughter can feel abrasive to a heart that's struggling with depression.
Pain as a Place of Encounter
In these moments, gratitude may seem beyond reach. But Christ meets us precisely there, in the mystery of loss and longing. A grateful heart is not just the product of perfect circumstances, but of embracing God's presence in small mercies: the warmth of light, the compassion of another, or the peace that comes simply from knowing we are not alone.
Mother Silouana, in her book God, Where is the Wound, challenges us to learn from the pain and not run away from it. She said:
Let's say I got sick and something hurts. I accept that pain, I bless it, and I pray, that is, I give my pain to God. But I don't say: "Lord, take away my pain because I can't think anymore with this headache!" No, we say: "Lord, come into my pain, help me live it, help me hear its message! What does this pain want to tell me? What sense does it make?" The purpose of this pain is to notify the brain, to identify its causes, and to heal it.
Asking God to meet us in our pain can shift our focus from what's missing to what's present, helping us see blessings we might have overlooked, even in the hardships of life. We invite Jesus into our pain when we stop running from it and instead bring it to Him honestly in prayer, when we say, "Lord, this hurts, but I want to face it with You and at least another person—my priest, a friend, therapist." Jesus doesn't ask us to pretend we're okay; He asks us to let Him sit with us in the ache, to let His love enter the very places we'd rather hide from.
When we do this, pain doesn't have to be a wall that separates us from God but a doorway through which His grace can enter. In His presence, sorrow begins to soften into compassion, and loneliness becomes communion. Gratitude grows naturally from this encounter, not because our circumstances change, but because we discover that Christ Himself is with us in them.
Authenticity, Presence, and Hope
Ultimately, cultivating a grateful heart means allowing Jesus to dwell in both our joy and our suffering, trusting that even our deepest pain can become a place of divine meeting and transformation.
The holiday season is less about perfect circumstances and more about being authentic. It is about seeing beyond the empty chairs, the financial strain, or the lingering pain, and choosing to notice the gifts that remain. It is about giving ourselves permission to feel, to grieve, and yet to still recognize life's blessings. A grateful heart is resilient, compassionate, and deeply human; it embraces both the sweetness and the difficulties of life with openness.
This Thanksgiving, whether our hearts are light or heavy, we can practice gratitude by pausing to recognize the presence of Christ's love, kindness, and enduring hope. We can give thanks not just for what fills our tables, but for the truth that we are God's beloved sons and daughters, forever held in His loving arms.
Wishing you a blessed Thanksgiving to all!
+Fr. Tom
Originally published in the Holy Apostles E-bulletin. Subscribe here.
