What is Marriage in the Orthodox Church?

Marriage is the Mystery in which a man and a woman are united in Christ as one flesh, blessed by the Church to grow together in love and to form a new household of faith. The Mystery is celebrated in two parts: the Service of Betrothal, in which the couple's lifelong commitment is sealed with the exchange of rings, and the Service of Crowning, in which the bride and groom are crowned together as the central act of the marriage. 

What is given in the Mystery is not a contract or a vow. The Orthodox marriage rite contains no vows, no "I do," no exchange of promises in the form familiar from Western weddings. What the Church offers is something different: a blessing. The Church does not bind the couple to each other through a legal act; the Church blesses a union that already exists in their love and asks God to consecrate it as an image of Christ's love for His Church.

Marriage, in the Orthodox understanding, is patterned after Baptism. Both sacraments enter the faithful into a new life. The couple is led in procession, prayed over, blessed, and crowned, just as the newly-baptized is led, prayed over, anointed, and given a white garment. The couple drinks from a common cup, recalling the wine at Cana. They walk together around the altar three times, taking their first steps as husband and wife in the Body of Christ.

Why do we marry in the Church?

The Apostle Paul calls Christian marriage a "great mystery" and explains that it images something deeper than itself: "This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church" (Ephesians 5:32). The love between a husband and wife is not only a private good. It is a sacramental sign of the love between Christ and His Bride, the Church. When the Church blesses a marriage, she welcomes the newly married to live out their relationship as an icon of that love.

This is reflected in how we view an Orthodox marriage. In the ceremony, the couple is crowned because Christ is the King and His Bride is the Church. The household they will build is, in the language of the Fathers, a "little church," a domestic icon of the larger Church. The love they offer to one another is not merely affection or compatibility, though these matter; it is, when given in Christ, participation in His divine love and a path to sanctification.

This also shapes how the Orthodox Church understands the difficulties of marriage. Marriage is a path, not a destination. The Aimilianos of Simonopetra writes that marriage is "a journey of love" but also "a journey of pain" — that those who marry will be called to die to themselves daily for the sake of the other. The crowns placed on the heads of the bride and groom are crowns of martyrdom as much as crowns of glory. To love faithfully across a lifetime is, in its way, a form of bearing witness to Christ. [FACT-CHECK: Aimilianos quote and framing — Fr. Tom should confirm he is comfortable with the martyrdom framing of marriage. It is traditional and beautiful but can land hard for some readers.]

How are couples married at Holy Apostles?

The Orthodox wedding service at Holy Apostles unfolds in two parts.

The Service of Betrothal begins at the entrance to the church. The priest blesses the wedding rings, and the koumbaros or koumbara — the wedding sponsor, who must be an Orthodox Christian in good standing — passes the rings three times between the bride and groom in the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit. The exchange of rings seals the couple's lifelong commitment and entrusts each, in a sense, to the other.

The Service of Crowning follows immediately. The bride and groom join their right hands, signifying their union, and the priest crowns them with stefana, the wedding crowns, connected by a single ribbon to signify the unity of their new household. The Epistle is read (Ephesians 5:20-33, the great passage on marriage as an image of Christ and the Church) and the Gospel (John 2:1-11, Christ's first miracle at the Wedding at Cana). The couple drinks from a common cup, recalling the wine of Cana and signifying the joys and sorrows they will share. The priest then leads them three times around a small table in the Dance of Isaiah, accompanied by ancient hymns, taking their first steps together as husband and wife in Christ.

Marriage at Holy Apostles is celebrated for couples in which at least one spouse is an Orthodox Christian in good standing, with the non-Orthodox spouse a baptized Christian from a tradition that baptizes in the name of the Holy Trinity. The Church does not celebrate marriage between an Orthodox Christian and an unbaptized person, nor during the major fasting seasons or feast days of the Church year. [FACT-CHECK: confirm that this framing of mixed marriages is consistent with Fr. Tom's pastoral practice. The GOA permits these marriages under specific conditions; the framing matters.]

The path to an Orthodox marriage involves more than scheduling a wedding date. Couples meet regularly with Fr. Tom in the months before the wedding for spiritual preparation, complete several sessions of pre-marital counseling with an appropriate therapist, and grow in the life of the parish. For the full path, see Preparing for Marriage.

Learn more

For a fuller exploration of the theology of marriage and the practical preparation for a wedding at Holy Apostles, see our booklet Preparing for Marriage, which includes Archimandrite Aimilianos of Simonopetra's sermon Marriage: The Great Sacrament.

For further reading: John Meyendorff's Marriage: An Orthodox Perspective; Fr. Thomas Hopko's The Orthodox Faith, Volume 2: Worship.