Jesus tells us: "If anyone would come after Me, let him deny himself, take up his cross, and follow Me." (Mark 8:34). This is a radical statement! When we hear this, we sometimes think about the cross Jesus carried up that hill. We think about fasting, giving things up, enduring difficulties.
And yes, this is part of taking up the cross, but the Church Fathers talk about a different kind of cross. Not just the external cross, but the deep internal cross—something that reaches into the battleground of the soul!
Living in the Storm
St. Theophan the Recluse said something so important, I’ve quoted it many times:
You've got to get out of your head and into your heart. Right now your thoughts are in your head, and God seems to be outside you. Your prayer and all your spiritual exercises also remain exterior. As long as you are in your head, you will never master your thoughts, which continue to whirl around your head like snow in a winter's storm or like mosquitoes in the summer's heat. If you descend into your heart, you will have no more difficulty. Your mind will empty out and your thoughts will dissipate. Thoughts are always in your mind chasing one another about, and you will never manage to get them under control. But if you enter into your heart and can remain there, then every time your thoughts invade, you will only have to descend into your heart and your thoughts will vanish into thin air. This will be your safe haven. Don't be lazy. Descend. You will find life in your heart. There you must live.
Think about how much of our life we live in our heads—the worries, the calculations, especially now with all the judgments swirling around. We've got to stop and pause before we get caught up in all the rhetoric. We need to be still so Christ can help us respond, not just react.
When we're trapped in the mind, God feels far away. Maybe you know that feeling. Thoughts swirl endlessly like a snowstorm that blinds us, like a swarm of mosquitoes that drives us mad. We feel despair, controlled by anxiety, depression, worries about the world, politics—whatever you're struggling with right now. And we wonder, "Where is God? What's going on?"
The Real Invitation
In this, Christ calls us deeper today and every day. He says:
Deny yourself! Deny the illusion that you can control or think your way to peace.
Take up your cross! Embrace the struggle of silence, of stillness, of descending into the heart where God has written His name.
Follow Me! Follow Christ, for He's already gone to the depths of death and risen, so He can lead us into the depths of the heart, where the resurrection of life begins.
The cross isn't just wood carried up a hill. It's the daily effort of refusing to let our noisy thoughts define reality. It's the courage to descend, to say, "No. I will not live in the storm of my head. I will live in the sanctuary of my heart where Christ is!”
The heart is not empty. The heart is not just feelings. The heart is the temple of the Holy Spirit. Don't you want to reside there?
But I know how the evil one works. He'll get you noticing everything, everywhere except that desire to be in your heart and in Christ. He’ll get you responding to all the chaos and rhetoric and noise in the world, to get you to neglect God’s temple! That's the number one way the devil works—he distracts you from your heart so you respond in your own way instead of being still to see how God wants to help you respond.
When you descend into your heart, the evil one’s messages can’t follow. You discover you're not alone. You discover that prayer is no longer words bouncing in your skull, but a flame burning within. In that place, the words "Follow Me" stop being an abstract idea. They become the heartbeat of your life!
When Jesus says, “Deny yourself, take up your cross and follow me,” He’s inviting us into a radical relocation of life, from your head to your heart. Follow Him! Follow Him straight into the Kingdom!
Why We React Instead of Responding
We are so threatened right now, we're on high alert. So when somebody looks at you a certain way, or says something, your amygdala—the reactive system of your body—goes into fight, flight, or freeze mode. So many of us are walking around like this, ready to react. And when the amygdala pops, we feel threatened. If we are in this state, we feel like we’ve got to protect ourselves.
Imagine you’re in a telephone booth—they don't have those anymore, but you can probably picture one. You’re in there talking and suddenly there's a bee in the booth with you! What are you going to do? You're going to freak out. And then what happens? Your reaction causes the bee to freak out. The bee was just stuck in there with you, wanting to get back to the hive or find some flowers. It didn’t want to sting you, but it stings you because you react.
This is what's happening now. We're all getting stung because we're reacting. People are hurt and are striving to be connected. We want connection so bad, but when we are hurt we seek it in a funny way, in an unhealthy way. We feel like we’re getting banged in the face, so we’re banging back. We feel like we’re getting pushed, so we’re pushing back. We’re throwing punches. And we're all getting tired.
Grounded in the Heart
When we live in the place of the heart, there's almost nothing people can do to move us. When you're connected, observing, being present, and living in this holy space, if somebody throws something at you, you can meet that reactive energy or attacking energy with love.
You know when you're responding from your heart and when you're reacting. So you have a choice today. I'm going to challenge you—you have a choice to decide how you're going to be.
Jesus is telling us: enter your heart. Deny yourself. Go into this holy space. That’s where you are meant to live. That's who you truly are as a human being, created in the image and likeness of God. Anything less is not okay.
May we take Christ’s words to to heart today and for the rest of our lives: Deny yourself.
Take up your cross. Follow Jesus, the creator of the world. Descend out of the storm and into your heart, and find His peace and life.
Descend!
+Fr. Tom
Some practical ways to practice descending into your heart:
The Jesus Prayer: Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy on me. Say it one time, ten times, a hundred times. Spend a minute or two just allowing yourself to sit calmly, take a deep breath, and offer that prayer. A friend of mine who did research claims that if you offer the Jesus prayer twenty minutes a day, your anxiety level goes down. The name of Jesus heals!
Silence: The Church Fathers say we don't have silence to escape the world, we have silence so we can listen to God's presence in our life. Before you lay your head down to rest tonight, ask, "Lord, have I been silent enough to respond to Your grace in my life, to other people, and to myself?"
Attentive Prayer: It's not about how fast you pray. It's the attention and humility offered in the prayer. Pay attention to the words you’re offering. Let them become your prayer. Align yourself with those words so you become those words.
Nepsis: This is a great word—it means to be watchful and mindful. Like a guard on watch in a fortress in the desert, watching across the sands for any enemy, protecting everyone behind the guard walls. The enemy is the judgmental or fearful thoughts that rise up inside us. We need to be always on guard and mindful, and when these thoughts—the enemies of our heart—arise, we need to bring them to Jesus.
