The Living Water and the Voice of Shame
For many who struggle with fear, anxiety, a deep sense of unworthiness, or addictions of any sort, the voice of shame is part of their narrative. Shame becomes an uninvited guest that takes over our life, causing us to hide or avoid others. Like the Samaritan woman, we come to the well spiritually dry, ashamed, and isolated, hoping to avoid the judging eyes of those around us.
According to Brené Brown, shame is basically the fear of being unlovable—it's the total opposite of owning our story and feeling worthy of being God's beloved child. The dominant silent conversation in one's mind when shame shows up is, "I'm not good enough, I am inherently bad or flawed, wrong, stupid, unworthy, unfaithful..." These thoughts swirl and chase one another, demeaning and disrespecting who we truly are, God's beloved child!
The Samaritan woman carried the shame of having five husbands, and now living with a man who was not her husband. She believed she was not worthy, not okay, and carried the weight of her shame over these past relationships everywhere she went.
"If You Knew the Gift of God..."
But Jesus says to us, as He said to the woman: "If you knew the gift of God and who it is that asks you for a drink..." If we truly knew who it is that we're speaking to, if we knew why we're here and who is within us and around us, our shattered lives would be transformed by the light of Christ!
Jesus doesn't want the Samaritan woman to hide, and He doesn’t want us to hide! Consider how He approached the woman at the well. Jesus didn't start by confronting her about her behavior. Instead, he drew her in with conversation, creating a connection: "Give me a drink."
He shows that He knows her experience and her shame: "You are right when you say you have no husband. The fact is, you have had five husbands, and the man you now have is not your husband.” Jesus sees all the broken relationships, all the pain, all the social rejection that sent the Samaritan woman to the well at noon in the heat of the day, instead of in the cool of morning with the rest of the women from her village. He sees the shame she carries like her heavy water jar and He offers her something beautiful: the chance to see and tell the truth of her experience without hiding.
Look at what happened with the Samaritan woman! After her encounter with Jesus, she left her water jar behind and ran to tell others about Him. Her shame was transformed into testimony. "Come, see a man who told me everything I ever did. Could this be the Messiah?” She arrived at the well as one person—outcast, hiding, carrying the weight of her past relationships and the judgment of her community—but after her encounter with Jesus, she became someone entirely new.
Leaving Our Water Jar Behind
As a therapist, I love the story of the Samaritan Woman because this is profound spiritual therapy! If we allow Him, God wants to reveal all the things that have kept us from our true self and our true purpose. This story is such a beautiful example of how Jesus opens our book of life so we can face it with love, not shame or horror.
I have learned that we need to share our experience with truth and honesty no matter how embarrassing and awful the story might be. Shame happens between people, and it heals between people, especially in the presence of Christ. He tells us, “I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in and eat with that person, and they with me.”
Like the Samaritan woman, we need to be humble enough and awake enough to face things we might not want to hear or see. And like she left her water jug behind, we may need to abandon our jars of shame, self-protection, or worldly preoccupation at the feet of Jesus, so we can run unencumbered to share His goodness with others: "Come and see the Jesus who knows me! Come and see this Jesus in my life! Come and see the Jesus that offers you and me Living Water!”
My question for you and me is: What are the "five husbands" that we hold so tightly? What keeps you weighed down and burdened? Maybe it's the hurt you experienced as a child, or mistakes you've made, or trauma you've endured. Jesus wants you to lay these down so He can be the center of your life, not those things that have troubled you.
Welcome the Guest of Life into your heart! Let Him meet you at your well of shame, and offer you the living water that will become in you "a spring of water welling up to eternal life."
Blessings to you all!
+Fr. Tom
